ME

It’s been quite a while since I talked to someone about how I felt.I guess no one really understands me and how I like to do things. But non the less, I am still here working through the sadness and joy of being single, adjusting to the tides. I can never ask people to like me nor meet their every expectation. I no longer bother with the idea of a guy needing to have a partner nor a guy needing to have a companion. I feel that I am better off single.
Yes crushes does happen, and I am no gay…. But I prefer to be single for the time being. I admit that sometimes I feel sad about it, but the feeling of not going into a relationship is greater than how much I woud like to have someone beside me.
It’s great to have someone to talk to, talk about a lot of things. Someone with a lot of sense when they talk. But that might come sometime in my life but not now. Right now I am with a contentment of being single.
You may ask how do I go through my day by day activities with out feeling lonely and sad, and not taking pity on myself for not being paired with someone. Well I usually work, use my past time with lots of work, activities and time consuming things. Some of which are basketball, watching, playing psp or console games, going to the gym, these and beside the usual eating and 24 hour sleep I try to get on weekends to cut time.
But you know it was not always like this, a few months after I broke up with my 10 year GF. I tried meeting or asking girls out. I am not a guy that picks any girl out. I choose girls that I really like, And when it comes to choosing- I am considered the choosiest or the Picky one. I had two crushes back in grade school another in High that came to be my GF. I had a couple of girls that I liked but never worked out. I admit that it made a mark in me and made me turn away from courting nor going out anymore. As I have said before I will never cry over spilled milk but make most of what I have now. I know that I can’t ask them to like me and respect them for their decisions, thankful as well that they were true to me. But it doesn’t change the fact that they turned me down, what is it in me that drives people away? I am not a bad guy, don’t do drugs , don’t drink nor smoke, I have stopped joining activities that guys like to do ( Bar Hopping etc ). Again I am no saint I did a few in my younger days but that opened my eyes to a lot of things and understand how things go. Knowing what these are made me understand how to stay away.
What is it that they don’t like in me? I just don’t get it.
This is just a question in my mind that may or may not show in my ways but take my word on this, I am not drooling over this and crying over it.Nor am I mad at anyone I have a clear understanding about life and peoples emotions, ways and decisions and respect each one.
But for now I am happy being single and will enjoy my life to the best I can. I am considered a Soloist and I am happy being one. No girl will understand how adventurous my life is because they will and might not be able to cope with me. I am a thrill seeker but I make sure no one gets hurt in the process. As God as my guide and his words as the rule I will live this life to the extreme and let him find me a mate if he planned me to have one.
Rock on….