Good things about Love

" Love is Blind " ( How i wish it wasn't, cause if it wasn't Love could have noticed me )
" Love is a many splendid thing " ( is this a song ??? )
" Love Conquers All " ( Does it? which country had it conquered ? Maybe we should use the raw power of it to make bombs )
" Love is unpredictable " ( Yeah,right... ! Tell me about it... )
" Love is Sweet " ( My Dentist told me to stay away from Sweets and besides I'm Diabetic )
" Love never Dies " ( Really??? I don't believe it... )
" Love is Nothing " ( Isn't this a message from one Shoe Brand ??? )

I'm tired...

I am so tired, tired of all the things in this life.
Some would say "it's not all that bad".
Some simply give up,
And say " what the Heck with it ".

I say the hell with it,
We can never control it anyway.
Nor tell what comes next,
So best to leave it.

I am a Hopeless Romantic.
Exactly what I am really,
Hopeless Romantic ...
that's it, basically

Sad thing about Loving

The sad thing about love is when you feel that you found the one, you then find that it will never be or would never last. For some reason like the one you adore is in love or is committed to another. Even though how much we tried to be perfect and try to be the one for them, we can never say that they will stay with us or even feel the same way that we do for them. Despite the uncertainty, we still strive to work it out and push for things to fall our in favor.


Even if we tried to turn nights into day and cold stormy days to warm sunny day for them, there are still uncertainty about a lot of things. I used to hate the feeling, but as you grow old and mature people learn to play it and go over it easily. Unlike younger people that tend to feel more of the pain of being negated or turned down. But how much strong you are in these situations, you always feel the clinch of the pain and the cold strike of having nothing at all, even if you tried and gave it your best shot.

First Part of the " Photo "

Many say that “to live is to love, and to love is the way to live”… Quite simple for others but maybe not for me.

I’m Joshua Medina, working as a photographer for a local publisher here in manila….
25 years old graduated with a degree in Mass Communication, from a well-known university also here in Manila, but I’m from Cavite.

After graduation I never had the right time for me, I worked my butt off till I dropped…. Literally , going to events like rallies here and there, meetings conference of officials and delegates getting a glimpse, a moment that will be the talk of critics, but will provide me with the paycheck I need to pay off debts and nourish my needs of being human.

******************
My story started:
On a Sunday, this was supposed to be my day-off. Early morning, a tone coming from a familiar device that rang for hours. It was not from my alarm clock which I knew was broken but it was my phone and it was my boss calling 5am on my rest day.
Not knowing why I picked up and answered.
Joshua…. I need you to go to Cavite… right now. I need you to take pictures of the recent slay case there and you’re the right guy for it. (Talking with a grumpy voice like chuckles of creaking, old wooden doors.)
But boss it’s my rest day….? (I answered explaining)
No buts…. just go I’ll double the amount of every picture that you take, cause this is a great front page story for tomorrow. And besides you’re from Cavite, I know you’re familiar with the place…
But boss…
What the … I told you no buts’ just go there take pictures come back before 11pm tonight and you get every picture double the pay if not I’ll get someone else that would do cause I’m going to cut you off…is that understood?
Yes, sir…
Good now what are you waiting for just go, god damn it…. Go now.

*********************

Packing up a few things camera on hand and bag of films, and camera attachments I went off and set my way to Cavite. Going to a nearby bus stop to get a ride from Manila to Cavite.
On my way I stopped at a drive by food chain to get some morning coffee and a ham sandwich. Waiting for a bus on the station sitting on a makeshift bench, there were a lot of people, but amidst the crowd, across me I noticed a girl which wore a familiar face but seemed aged trough time, she wore a blouse that showed her slim figure and knee-high skirt which showed off her light complexion, that’s almost as white as her blouse. A goddess she almost seemed. I just can’t help my self to stare at amazement.
I sat there staring at her for some time not knowing that her companions sitting beside her noticed me looking without a blink, and told her about it, as if stunned by lightning she smiled and slowly look on to me like a person she knew.
Her smile gave me such happiness which I had never felt before.
But then after that smile, (that could have been the end of wars and conflict) she waved at me taking the time to asking me to come over, to my surprise. As if she knew me.
But it all came to me it was this familiar face is Karen. My one time crush back in college.
The Girl I first set my eyes on when I was still a freshman, we used to be batch mates but I flunked a few units that I needed to go back to that’s why we never graduated on the same year. Back then she wore a pink pony tail and geek glasses but still showed off her beauty and immense physical attributes. She was held Ms. Campus and eventually won a local beauty contest that propelled her to new stats and levels of popularity. Many girls envied her, guys drop down to their knees to get a moment with her. She was the local celebrity but even if she had accomplished a lot of things she had always been down to earth and been easy to get a long. She was nice to everyone and her kind hearted approach gave her that more distinction to be liked rather than to be hated.

*******************************

She shouted my name “Joshua “. “Joshua, come here…”
She asked me to join their group of three… I smiled and stood from where I sat. I walked slowly with cold water in my veins thinking what to say or do. I wanted to stop and simply ignore her but how can you ignore someone like her.

With each step my heart beats fast and hard. But I am also asking my self why this happening to me? I don’t have anything to be scared off, she’s just a college beauty queen three times, president of the Math, English and Science clubs, a volleyball varsity and a two time swimming champion, at the top of our batch, graduated cum laude, admired by almost everyone in the campus including me and I’ve been admiring her since the first day of college. So, I think nothing to worry.

Step by step I approach her still shaking and thinking what to say, but as I came close, she warmly greeted me with a wide smile and hello. Still recovering from that and still stunned, because it’s not everyday that someone this fine comes up and gives you a warm reception.

She asked “how are you doing?” still stunned I muffed my answer “going to Cavite, shoot some one dead”. She laughed at me, not knowing why maybe because of the answer, she said “you’ve never changed you’re still the same guy that sent me flowers but never had the strength to ask me out. And you’re still funny”. (In short TORPE ). Know to my officemates as the “Shy Guy from the province. “

I took in a sip of from the beverage I bought from the store to ease me up so I can answer and clear my throat.
And just then I can relax and not to spoil the moment I took time to talk to her and reminisce about the days and the time we parted since college some three years ago.
We talked till the bus came and found out also the she and her friends from work are going to Cavite for a vacation.

We both took the same bus and she asked me to sit beside her. I selfishly agreed thinking this is it my longtime dream and chance to be with her. We talked about everything and the trip was long we both were tired and found ourselves asleep but that was the moment I will never forget, cause as we sleep she had her head against my shoulder as her pillow through the long trip.

Would you know what your goal is...

Sometimes people seek for different purposes in life, they search and find the things they think is what their main purpose is. But looking for this purpose they miss a lot of things and one of them is what they were really meant of doing.
People get too preoccupied with a lot of things, that they start to create a goal similar to what they would want to be and have. But they forget the fact that God gave us a mission and that purpose became forgotten.
This leads to lost souls and people in the wrong places. But not all are suffering but sometime what they have are too much and they dwell too much on what they have and greed starts to step in and forgets where they all began. But for those that started off with nothing and searched the right path achieved complete happiness in all aspects. They became content of what they have and never asked for more thus even gave what they have and shared with others.
People nowadays start to create and imagine a future where they are well and satisfied. But that dream is built not on God's path but on greed and selfish intentions.
How can we cure this, if we ourselves are all dreaming of greedy things that we think could bring a better way of living for us.It is not bad to go for something but it's how we get them and be content of what we have is the problem.

I just need you to listen... I ask for nothing else.

Why are there people that you have reached out with both hands to help them, not help you back? Why are there people that do not understand the meaning of listening to people that cared for them. I know that I am an emotional type of guy but I try my very best to keep all the emotions kept inside and not to show. I find ways to get these feelings off. but the best is to sit and talk to someone you trust when you want to open up. But you know what is the sad part... The people that you thought could help, or even thought they are willing to listen are those that tend to shy away from the opportunity. This makes me more sad thinking that I am willing to reach out and help them with all that I can but them not willing to simply listen to what I need to say. I do not ask for comfort or companionship. A person that could listen to what I need to let out is more than enough.
But no one did listen... No one was willing. How sad... I am starting to think I should think more of me rather than others around me.

Not again...

I feel so taken for granted and hate this feeling... I hate this feeling of being a 2nd or even the 3rd option. For once how I wish I was the first to be chosen and not the last. Chosen for something special and important, not something they are not willing to do.

It had been a few weeks and it had never been quite nice and been feeling a little down. I think I need that solo time again. These things I feel starts with the people around me, so called friends that I look after turned out to be one of the reasons why I started to feel these things. Even if I tried to ignore the feeling it keeps on haunting me and comes back stronger than what I can handle.

I feel so down and doesn't feel that life can change for me, maybe this is what it really was meant to be. To live my life in the shadows of others and never be picked first, to be chosen last and never appreciated for what I gave and can offer. I now know how to be a " Nobody ".

I sometime question it... am I not worth it? or is it that I am to live my life alone.

The more life goes on for me like this, the more I become unafraid to be alone. And is less excited to love or meet anyone. I live in a plateau of solidarity but welcomes all into my world, but in return does not welcome me into theirs. No matter how much I try the road ends up to these things I feel. There had never been something that last for me and my life had been to serve them and help others. But how about me?