Life is hard

I have been tied up with a lot of things in my life… Resposibilities in the house , for the family , for friends for work , school work ( when I was still in school ), love one and a lot of other things. Some made sense but others completely doesn’t seem to be right and became more of a boring routine rather than an enjoyable thing to do.
It’s sometimes hard to see when you have done so much but accomplished so little. Especially when other people you offered all that hard work doesn’t seem to appreciate how much effort you gave just to sustain and provide. In this life I am in right now, I have been doing a lot of things for others and non seem to be done for me… I feel so wasted and used up. Never-the-less this is what I am set in doing and fulfilling the need of others. Was I born to be a provider and not a provided?
Ever since I can remember I had been expected to provide, provide good grades in school, good manners to other people, be a good son to my parents and be a God fearing person in a society that have followed customs handed down and the culture that they live by.
Amidst these personality changes, I became someone that I knew none off. I no longer recognized my self, cause what I can see is someone that can be considered as a puppet than of a person. I am no different from a Puppet that is held up by strings and every move is controlled by a Puppeteer. I became a shell that had no personality, no identity and was only known as a person of their ideas and expectations. I hate the feeling of giving others what they want me to be, when in fact I am not and shouldn’t.
I awoke from this slumber and found my personality. I broke from the strings that held me, the expectation that people around me wanted to see in me. For once when I smiled, laughed and had fun without care of other peoples opinion or say. For once I felt the real joy of being free, free from the burden of ideals and the stereotype way of living. Life is too short but is full of happy things to enjoy than to sit on one corner of the room and do nothing. Time doesn’t stop for anything and we should do the most we can.
For once I lived my life as I wanted how to, free and spontaneously moving and not following the wind rather moving against it. It gives me great joy to do what I want when I want it. But I never forget the respect for others as this is the key in my happiness. Finding the right things to do without hurting anyone in the process made it the best things better than any drug that say can provide a degree of high.
Nirvana doesn’t mean to be happy rather means a state of happiness that no mortal can describe, cause each individual have a different level of happiness and the path of getting there is not simple but is not impossible to achieve.
I am close to having that state, but I am not in a rush. Things taken slowly becomes more sweeter when you come to the end. But while you are taking the path to happiness, savour each moment and experience that you come over. Make sure that you learn things as you go along and pick up a thing or two when you go by the fields of love. Life becomes more fruitful when you find peace , happiness but most of all the feel of contentment of where you are and what you may have.

And remember not to ask God what your main purpose in life is nor ask him how things would be and what he has in stored for you. Cause from the beginning he had provided and plotted what comes next but he gave us to power to decide so we may appreciate the full love that he gave.