Not again...

I feel so taken for granted and hate this feeling... I hate this feeling of being a 2nd or even the 3rd option. For once how I wish I was the first to be chosen and not the last. Chosen for something special and important, not something they are not willing to do.

It had been a few weeks and it had never been quite nice and been feeling a little down. I think I need that solo time again. These things I feel starts with the people around me, so called friends that I look after turned out to be one of the reasons why I started to feel these things. Even if I tried to ignore the feeling it keeps on haunting me and comes back stronger than what I can handle.

I feel so down and doesn't feel that life can change for me, maybe this is what it really was meant to be. To live my life in the shadows of others and never be picked first, to be chosen last and never appreciated for what I gave and can offer. I now know how to be a " Nobody ".

I sometime question it... am I not worth it? or is it that I am to live my life alone.

The more life goes on for me like this, the more I become unafraid to be alone. And is less excited to love or meet anyone. I live in a plateau of solidarity but welcomes all into my world, but in return does not welcome me into theirs. No matter how much I try the road ends up to these things I feel. There had never been something that last for me and my life had been to serve them and help others. But how about me?